Yep, 'just' a virus...

Don't you just love spending money to find out that there's absolutely nothing the doctor can do? To be honest, I figured that it's what I would hear, but also decided that it was worth spending the $20 co-pay to make sure.

So I get to spend up to another week with this - although if I start running a fever next week or coughing up blood, then I'm supposed to go back in (you think?!) because it could turn into pneumonia or bronchitis. One of my co-workers just told me that he's had this bug (or a similar one) for going on a month now.  A month?!

At this rate, Mary's baby is going to hit kindergarten before we get a chance to get down to see him, LOL. But I definitely don't want to pass any germs along, so we'll see how I'm feeling by the weekend and whether or not anyone else has come down with this by then.

So otherwise, everything's pretty much the usual here. Back at work today - don't know how much I'm actually getting done, but I'm here. The girls have choir at church tonight, but I think we may skip that (again...) so I don't expose everyone there to whatever nasty virus this is. Besides, after spending last night out rushing around, I think I feel like staying put at home tonight. Maybe I'll even feel well enough (and get motivated enough) to pick a few things up around the house or fold some laundry. Or maybe not.  :)

I'm sorry this is such a dull, boring update - hopefully I can dig up some interesting and/or funny tidbits to post soon!

Imagine this scenario, if you will...

A dark, cold, snow-filled evening. A suburban mom behind the wheel of her minivan, driving her children home after an appointment across town.

Sounds pretty normal, right? Nothing out of the ordinary, for certain.

Look a bit closer perhaps.

The children chatter away in the back while the mom concentrates on avoiding traffic snarlups and red lights.

Suddenly she feels a slight itch. Not a big deal, just an annoyance really. But in a difficult, awkward place to reach - 'posterior' so to speak. She squirms slightly in her captain's chair.

But the itch doesn't go away. In fact - it begins to spread until most of the skin she's sitting on is consumed by an intensely fierce itching.

The children remain oblivious behind her as she begins a series of moves usually only seen on a gymnastics mat, attempting in vain to quell what has turned from a slight annoyance into a large disturbance. She begins to wonder if the other drivers can see inside her van and if so, what an amusing picture she must present at the moment.

A drive which, under normal circumstances, would take a maximum of oh, 20 minutes or so, suddenly stretches into hours - or so it seems - as every traffic light, every slow driver stands between this tortured mom and the relief of finally being able to soothe her itching behind.

But then - finally home. Freed from the confines of the driver's seat, she is able to regain her dignity at last. Even while cursing the dry winter air and the ineffectiveness of so-called 'moisturizing' creams and lotions.

And that, my friends, is the 'end' of that story.   :)

 

Disclaimer:  of course, the above story is purely hypothetical and any such mom would have to completely deny that any such episode ever occurred. And I'm not budging from that story!

It's been a very long day.

Sitting in my living room, watching American Idol and eating a few Hershey's chocolates. This is pure bliss, especially after the day that I've had. No, it wasn't a horribly, terrible day or anything. Well, not completely anyway. Mostly just very long. And very full.

Several weeks ago, when we set up Abby's next appointment with the psychologist, she suggested that Ron and I come in alone so we could sit and talk about what she's discovered so far in the time she's spent with Abby. That appointment was scheduled for today.

After leaving things until the last minute (sadly, a typical situation for me), I finally got childcare arrangements figured out. We normally attend Wednesday night programs at our church and it would be fine for Abby and Hannah to go alone - someone would look after them and make sure they got dinner and to their class. And both Kristi and Amber offered to help also - I have wonderful friends!

Getting everyone to where they needed to be on time required a carefully orchestrated agenda:

• 4:30 pm - leave work, drive to daycare and pick up all 3 girls early.
  
  
• 5:00 pm - arrive at Amber's to drop Becca off.
  
  
• 5:30 pm - arrive at church to drop Abby and Hannah off.
  
  
• 6:00 pm - arrive at the psychologist's office for the appointment.
  
  
• Afterward, retrace steps to get everyone picked up and (finally!) head home.

In reality, a few things happened that weren't on the agenda. So, it really should read like this:

• 4:40 pm - leave work later than planned, drive slightly faster than usual to make it to daycare. Spend 5 extra minutes convincing Becca to let me help her put her coat on - she can get one arm in the sleeve but not the other... Send Abby back in to get the lunchbox she forgot. Spend another 5 minutes explaining to Hannah why Becca gets to go to Amber's and she doesn't.
  
  
• 5:15 pm - arrive at Amber's after another 5 minutes spent trying to find the right apartment building. Attempt to keep Abby and Hannah somewhat calm and quiet so I can talk to Amber before we take off.
  
  
• 5:40 pm - arrive at church, walk the girls downstairs to dinner only to hear "I don't want to eat that" in stereo when we get there. Send up a silent prayer of thanks for whoever decided to put out bread and peanut butter along with the goulash on the menu.
  
  
• 6:05 pm - arrive at psychologist's office, amazed to only be 5 minutes late. Be completely stunned to hear the receptionist say, "Oh we were hoping to get a hold of you before you got here - Dr. V has been feeling ill all day and was hoping to reschedule..."
  
  
• 6:06 pm - take a deep breath, realizing that the two previous hours might have been wasted. Panic at the thought of having to re-schedule and re-orchestrate this whole maneuver again.
  
  
• 6:15 pm - send up another silent prayer of thanks when Dr. V will stay so no re-scheduling will be necessary. Hope that I'm not exposing myself (and therefore the kids) to any nasty germs by meeting with her anyway.
  
  
• 6:45 pm - leave the office and head back toward church. Realize that I'd somehow forgotten to account for anything for my dinner so detour through a McDonalds drive-thru. Call Ron to find out that he'll probably be home just about the time that we get there.
  
  
• 7:25 pm - arrive at church and eat fries while waiting for the girls' class to end.
  
  
• 7:30 pm - juggle drawings, snacks and assorted pieces of paper 'jewelry' that the girls made in class while convincing them to put their coats on. Deal with minor fit thrown by Hannah when ask her to carry her projects to the van. I only have so many hands, even without a toddler taking up one of them...
  
  
• 7:45 pm - eat hamburgers while driving to Amber's to get Becca.
  
  
• 7:55 pm - can't get to ringing cell phone in time to answer it. Finally fish it out of my pocket and call Amber back to find out that Becca has just projectile vomited at her place...
  
  
• 8:00 pm - did I mention that I have great friends? Arrive at Amber's feeling horrible about my child throwing up the first time that she offers to watch her for me... Rush out of there so that they can get Victoria to bed on time and we can get home and get the girls to bed, while apologizing to Amber (I'm so very sorry, I really am!!). Wonder why Becca has suddenly started throwing up for no apparent reason, with almost 3 days in between episodes.
  
  
• 8:30 pm - home. Finally. :)
  

I am so thankful that we didn't have to reschedule - one night like this has been plenty, thank you very much! I honestly have no idea how single parents manage to do things like this every single day and stay sane.

More on how the appointment went later...

So when does 320 actually equal 298?

Apparently when you buy a 320 GB external hard drive, you don't actually get 320 GB worth of space. Who knew?

I guess I probably should have, seeing as I work in an IT department and all. But I'm not technically an 'IT' person, and I never even thought about it when looking for a drive to store some information for work. I needed 308 GB of space, so figured that a 320 GB drive would be perfect. Cheaper than a 500 GB hard drive and a more efficient use of drive space since anything over 308 GB would just be left empty.

Good plan, huh? Some of you probably know where I'm going with this and are out there laughing at me. Because what I didn't realize is that when you purchase a 320 GB hard drive, what you actually get is 298 GB of usable storage space.

After some research online, I now know that it has to do something with how 320,000,000,000 bytes are converted into kilobytes which are then converted into megabytes and then gigabytes... Basically you lose a little in the conversion the higher up you go. Don't ask me why they don't just call it a 298 GB hard drive then - it would be a lot less frustrating!

I had noticed that there is '7-point-something' GB available on my 8 GB iPod, and always thought that was strange. But since I have yet to fill up even half of the space, it's never been an issue. Same thing with the 250 GB external drive that I got a while back to store our digital photos and other files on at home. I figured it would take us years to even get close to using up all of that space, so never even paid attention to how much is actually available.

Not so in this case, however. Remember, I have 308 GB of files to store. And apparently I'm now 10 GB short.

Not to mention that the cleaning crew has already 'very helpfully' gotten rid of the box and all of the packaging and other materials that came with this drive, which I had carefully saved in the box, just in case, and put aside so that it wouldn't get taken out with the other trash.

Sigh.

I have no idea if the drive can be returned without any of the original packaging or the box, but I doubt it. I would also have to go through our office manager to have her run out and try to return/exchange it since the drive was purchased on a department credit card under her name.

Bigger sigh.

My solution for the moment? Well, there is currently an extra 10 GB of data residing on the hard drive of my work computer, at least temporarily. I've got the space, so hopefully it won't be an issue. Not having all of the data together - may be a bigger issue, but at least now I can return the external drive that we've been borrowing from another organization since before Christmas.

So to all of the computer hardware manufacturers out there, please say what you mean! It would certainly make life a whole lot easier for this working mama who has spent way too long trying to find 10 'lost' GB of space today.

Heads or Tails #19 - The letter 'C'

This week's topic is the letter 'C'. Here's what I thought of when I sat down to decide what to write about.

Cats, creative, crazy, crumbs, crime, crinkle, cheese, chips, cherry, chess, china, Crest, crone, crow, create, C-section, crippled, c'est la vie, crying, crown, cellular, cab, cash, cipher, cyclone, cyberspace, computer, crochet, cross-stitch, cabaret, Chicago, chipper, craven, crash, city, county, country, criminal, circumcision, church, Christmas, change, chapel, chirp, carpet, cute...

...and chocolate. Chocolate candy. Craving crispy, crunchy, creamy, caramel-coated, chocolate candy. Chocolate cupcakes. Chocolate cake. Chocolate cream pie. Chocolate chip cookies.

Chocoholic. :)

Check out other Heads or Tails posts at Skittles' Place.

Weekend update

So, it's Monday. Back to work, back to school for the girls, back to daycare for Becca. And back to our evening activities - tonight it's cheerleading for Hannah. Which I would be inclined to drop after this session's over, since it's such a pain to get her to and from there, but she absolutely loves it. So I'll probably end up finally buying her a pair of 'official' pom-poms tonight instead. The funny thing is that Abby does not like the cheerleading class, but she loves to cheer. She had $10 to spend after Christmas this year, thanks to my aunt and uncle, and she used it to buy a cheerleading kit with pom poms, baton, mat and DVD. I think she likes it because she can do the DVD on her own and doesn't have to worry about keeping up with other kids. Plus it's the same all the time, so she can better learn all of the routines and steps.

We had a nice, relaxing weekend. Saturday the girls and I hung out at home pretty much all day, except for a quick trip to the store for Hannah, Becca and I after Ron got home. Well, I thought it would be quick, but Becca managed to lose one of her boots somewhere in the store, so after backtracking and searching all over, we went up to the service desk and thankfully someone had turned it in.

Yesterday the girls and I went to church in the morning. Since our church does Sunday School during the 9:30 am service and I like to attend the 11:05 am service (the contemporary one), we generally spend all morning there, and Becca ends up in the toddler room in Little Lambs' Hall twice. Normally she has a blast playing with the other kids and the toys in there. And yesterday was the same as usual for the first service. However, when I went to drop her off for the second service (the one that I actually attend), she was clingy and fussy and began crying as I left. And 10 minutes later I was paged to come back and get her because she was screaming so much they were afraid she'd make herself sick. So Becca came into the service with me and other than a few attempts to tug on my hand saying, "Get up!", she did fine. I could tell she was tired though, so figured that she would take a good nap that afternoon.

And I really thought she had because she was quiet for quite a long time that afternoon after being put down. Some days lately she'll sit in her room and play, but I can usually tell because I can hear her talking to her stuffed animals and toys. But yesterday I didn't hear a peep.

When I finally did hear her talking, I figured she must have woken up so went in to get her. I was greeted by the sight of this:

Here's a bit of a closer look...

Someone (and I doubt it was her Backyardigan friends!) very carefully shredded almost an entire box of wipes. And also very carefully piled them on top of the box afterward. And she did it all without a peep!

I managed to salvage a few larger pieces, but other than a lot of very damp confetti, the rest was pretty much useless.

And apparently one of her Backyardigan friends ended up in her laundry hamper - whether as Becca's idea of a 'time-out' or accidentally, I have no idea...

Maybe she was trying to put the blame on Tasha for shredding the wipes? :)

Oh yes, and one more quick Becca photo... After lunch, she got down from her chair by herself, took her bowl and spoon over to the sink, apparently stood on her tippytoes and dropped them in the sink (Ron and I could hear all of this - we were in the living room). Then she took off her bib, threw it on the floor and came into the living room. She needed a good cleaning-up - any guesses as to what she had for lunch?

LOL - that silly macaroni noodle stuck to her head for at least 10 minutes before I finally got her to hold still enough for me to pick it off and wipe her face.

Yesterday afternoon, while Ron took a nap, the girls and I headed over to my friend Kristi's house. I've talked a bit about Kristi and her family before - she and I have been friends for about 15 years now, since college. Well yesterday while the kids played, we sat down and she set up her very own blog! So now I can harass her keep up with her family here in the blogosphere. If you want to stop by and welcome her to the blogging world, you can check out her blog at Music Mom of 2. Her 2 boys are Noah (5) and Aaron (3) - and they are pretty darn cute! Here's a picture that I love of them with Abby and Hannah - taken last spring:

And I'll leave you with this photo that I took before bedtime last night of my girls having fun with the pieces to Becca's plastic Backyardigans puzzle...

Happy Monday, everyone! :)

Thursday Thirteen #20 - What I plan to do on my vacation

Thirteen Things about my vacation/days off/freedom from work!  :) Today is my last day of work this year.  Unfortunately that's not quite as good as it sounds since the year only has 11 days left...  But being on this end of a vacation is wonderful - I love the anticipation of being able to sleep in, not having to rush kids around to school and daycare, staying in - or going out - but either way being able to decide for ourselves. I know it'll go by way too fast and I'll be back at work before I know it, but I'm going to enjoy every last second! So here are 13 things I'm going to do on my vacation. If nobody gets sick or hurt, that is. We don't have a great track record for staying healthy over Christmas, so I've got all of my fingers and toes crossed that this year will be an exception. Day 1 - will be spent alone with Becca in the morning since the big girls still have school tomorrow. I'm looking forward to some good one-on-one time with her. We'll pick up Hannah at lunchtime and then Abby after nap/quiet time and probably make cookies later in the afternoon. Day 2 - pretty much a 'normal' Saturday since Ron will be working. We have no plans - except to sleep in (as much as the kids will allow me to) and probably make more cookies.  :) Day 3 - church in the morning, and then getting together with Ron's family to celebrate Christmas in the afternoon. Day 4 - Christmas Eve. Actually we have no concrete plans for this day at all - and Ron has to work. We may get together with Kristi and her kids and do something fun like bowling. My mom and brother will be here sometime in the evening to spend the night. After the kids are asleep, Ron and I will be (frantically) wrapping gifts and being Santa. Day 5 - Christmas Day. After a (way too) early start, we'll be opening gifts the girls and my mom and brother. Ron's parents will be down for a while as well.  In the afternoon we'll load up and drive 2 hours to Detroit and spend the evening with my mom's family at my uncle and aunt's house. Then we'll drive the 2 hours home. Day 6 - will be spent at home, with me (hopefully) relaxing and the girls tearing into all of their new toys. Which will probably take all day.  Ron has to work, so I'll get to referee supervise by myself. Day 7 - no definite plans but will probably get together with friends and I'm thinking by then the kids will need to get out of the house for a while. Or at least I will - in order to have any kind of chance at keeping my sanity. I'll also be packing to take the girls away for the weekend. Day 8 - Abby and Hannah have dentist appointments in the morning and we'll leave for Mary's house after that. After the 2-hour drive, we'll probably hang out there and let the kids all play together. Day 9 - still at Mary's and I have no idea what we'll be doing, except attempting to keep Becca out of everything she's not supposed to be getting into and enjoying Mary's last few weeks of life without a newborn in the house.  She's due on January 21st (Becca's birthday) but will probably be induced early since nobody trusts her to make it to the hospital on time - with good reason.  Let's just say that her 4-year-old was born at home - and it wasn't a planned homebirth...  :) Day 10 - hanging out at Mary's and then we'll head home at some point, probably either at naptime or we'll wait until bedtime so the kids will sleep in the car. We'll play it by ear. Day 11 - New Year's Eve. No concrete plans yet except for relaxing at home and trying to get the last bits of enjoyment out of vacation since the end is looming... Hopefully getting together with friends that night, but that depends on the guys' work schedules. Day 12 - New Year's Day. As of right now we have no plans except for mourning my last day at home. And enjoying every last second of it, no matter what we end up doing! Day 13 - Well, it's really Day #1 of back to work... The kids will be at daycare full-time for the rest of the week since school won't be back in session yet until the next week. They'll probably be ready for the change of scenery though, although I won't be. Happy Holidays to everyone! Links to other Thursday Thirteeners:

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I hab jut beed to de dentibt

Ma mowf id vewy nub so I caddot talk too wewl ribt dow...

Ok, ok - yes I know I'm typing, not talking - so it doesn't matter what my mouth feels like! But yikes, I hadn't had my mouth numbed for dental work in years so this whole feeling (or lack of) is very odd right now. I keep thinking that I'm drooling down the left side of my mouth... LOL

I had a filling replaced this morning. It's amazing how in less than an hour, the little silver area that I've had on my lower left molar for oh probably 20 years is suddenly and amazingly tooth-colored again. Wow, tooth-colored fillings - who would've thought, huh! :)

So the filling wasn't replaced just out of vanity though - there was a new cavity right next to it, or maybe the original cavity had escaped from it's silver confinement - who knows... But the old filling was just that - old, so the dentist needed to replace it anyway.

And he used one of my girls' favorite words - but not one that I've ever heard in relation to my mouth before. Crown. Now I've been lucky enough to not ever have needed any major dental work (well other than braces and that's a whole different issue), so this is a new one for me. Why do I suddenly feel like I've failed my teeth just because I need a crown? Most everybody I know has a crown or two, or had a root canal or other such things, but other than a few stray cavities here and there, I've had very healthy teeth up until now.

Oh yes, and there's the 'b' word as well. Yes, over 20 years since I had them removed, I apparently need braces - again. This time to correct jaw issues - and with the amount of jaw, neck and head pain that I get, I know it's something that is going to need to be done. Just what I need, a mouth full of metal. Didn't I already go through this in middle and high school? Hey, wait a minute though - maybe braces will make me look younger? Ok, maybe not.

And then there's the amount of dental work that Ron needs - unlike me, he's had crowns and root canals and other fun stuff done before and several more that need to be done now. The dentist told me this morning that he mentioned to Ron at his appointment yesterday that he should get me something very, very nice for Christmas this year because he (Ron) is going to cost a lot of money next year. Just peachy.

Uh-oh, I think that I'm starting to get the feeling back in my mouth. The 'drool' feeling is starting to change to a 'your cheek is blown up like a balloon' kind of thing. But when I reach up and touch it, it feels perfectly normal. Very strange!

Ok, so I'm amused by the little things today... Maybe they snuck a bit of laughing gas to me when I wasn't looking, because I'm feeling very giggly all of a sudden.

I think it's going to be a long day.

What exactly is it doing outside?

This day hasn't gotten off to the best start. Here's a few of the reasons why:

1. Rain - or is it sleet - or is it freezing rain - or is it hail? I do know for sure that it's not snow. But what it actually is - I have no idea. In any case, it's wet and slippery and slushy and icy all at the same time. And everything is gray. And dreary.
   
   
2. Ron is sick and staying home for the 2nd day in a row. Which means that his paycheck in 3 weeks will be dismal since he doesn't get paid sick time. It also means that my house will be (even more) trashed by the time I get home tonight (sorry dear, but you know it's true!). I have a lot of sympathy for him, really I do. Well, some anyway. :)
   
   
3. Hannah must not be sleeping well because she woke up in a very tired, grumpy mood. A grumpy Hannah + a sick, tired, grumpy Daddy = Mommy wishing she were someplace else. Very far away. Like a nice quiet Caribbean island with lots of sun and sand.
   
   
4. The 2-hour school delay that we found out about after we sent the older girls over to our neighbor's house (she gets them on the bus) like usual.
   
   
5. A sick, tired, grumpy Daddy who wasn't thrilled with having to deal with a 6-year-old for an extra 2 hours. Although I was quite happy that he was staying home anyway so that I didn't have to miss work!
   
   
6. The fit that Hannah threw when she learned that she would be going to daycare with Becca instead of to school (since she only goes in the mornings, her class was canceled all together). Dragging a screaming, crying, kicking 5-year-old out to the van and spending a bazillion minutes attempting to buckle her into her seat, then carrying a hysterical child into daycare and literally prying her off of me so I could leave was not at all what I had on my agenda for this morning.
   
   
7. Arriving at work to find out that the 2-hour school delay had since turned into school being canceled completely. Sigh. My sick, tired, grumpy hubby learning that he was now stuck with either keeping Abby home with him all day or would have to get dressed and drive her to daycare (thus costing us more money on top of his smaller paycheck). Guess which option he picked? I do not envy our daycare provider today.

To be honest with you, today is one of those days where I don't mind being at work. In fact, do I really have to go home tonight? Hmm, there's vending machines and a locker room with a shower. And a couch in the lounge upstairs. Do you think anyone would notice me wearing the same clothes tomorrow? Ok, ok, just kidding. But it's definitely tempting! :)

Solitude

The house is quiet. Only the hum of the air purifier and the low tones of the television break the silence. No children chattering, no husband clattering around the place.

I feel the lack of hustle and bustle as a soft blanket, covering me as I sit on my bed and type. In my warm, comfy, cozy pajamas with a bit of chocolate and a tall glass of water at my bedside.

These moments happen so rarely, with all 3 kids asleep in their beds and a husband sleeping as well, in the living room recliner. The house to myself - only me and the cats are awake.

I am not lonely however, as I have 3 'friends' left by a certain little someone in our bed earlier. They sit and watch me with open eyes, but I do not mind their company since they don't break my precious solitude with sound - they are in fact incapable of it. Therefore, the perfect companions for a night such as this.


There is laundry to be done, dishes to load, floors to sweep and other such chores awaiting. However, I am safe here in my bedroom where those things cannot be seen and therefore can't induce guilt for my ignoring them. They certainly aren't going anywhere, after all. There will always be laundry to do, dishes to load and unload, and especially since we have a toddler and no dog - the floors will always need to be swept. I am not going to waste my solitude on such things tonight. There will be plenty of time enough for them, tomorrow.

So am I a bad Mommy or what?

Now I know that this isn't even nearly the worst of the things I could do to make me a bad Mommy. But that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty anyway.

I simply cannot handle the disorganized stacks of papers in my house. Not just the 'necessary' ones like notes home from school, permission slips, bills (oh yes, those pesky things!), insurance forms, and whatnot. Or even the junk mail that gets tossed into the garbage as soon as it leaves my hands. No, it's the school papers, flyers, drawings, colored pages and everything else that falls into the "don't need to deal with it right now, but can't immediately throw it away either" category.

Do you have one of those?

I do try to keep as many of their school papers as I can. I have  a set of plastic drawers in the kitchen (which I would like to replace with something a bit more attractive at some point, but for now, well it works) where I keep the graded homework, spelling tests, art projects and other things that the girls are beginning to bring home from school that I will go through and sort once I can't squeeze anything else into the drawer.

And as for the rest? I'm ashamed to admit that I generally wait a few days until they've forgotten about it (and brought home 25 other things since) and throw much of it away. Because as cute as Abby's drawings of people and kitties are, I don't really see the need to keep all 3,432 of them. And as well as Hannah writes her letters nowadays, having 434 copies of the alphabet in crooked, wiggly, slanting letters is probably a bit much.

Ok, now I do have to defend myself a bit here - I try to keep anything where they're doing, writing or drawing something new. Or where they've made an extra special effort. But when they're bringing home 2 to 3 partly colored My Little Pony coloring book pages from daycare every day, or just filling up space on the paper with scribbles or one. letter. per. sheet...

I just can't deal with the clutter.

So does that make me a bad Mommy? I certainly felt like it on the few occasions where one of the girls noticed something I'd tossed in the trash and asked me why I threw it away - until I learned to bury their papers underneath the junk mail and empty cereal boxes...  :)  Hopefully the girls will be able to forgive me in 20 years when they ask where all of their old coloring pages are at and why I didn't keep every single scrap of paper they brought into the house!

This wasn't the candlelight we were supposed to have tonight...

With tonight being the second night of Hanukah, I expected to be lighting candles. My plans for the evening included a trip to the store to purchase candles for the menorah since it had kind of snuck up on me this year and I didn't have any beforehand. I also had a list of things I wanted or needed to get done around the house.

Nowhere in all of my plans, was a blackout included.

Right around the time we were putting the girls to bed, I heard a distant pop, or bang, and then everything went dark. Very dark.

And 3 girls screamed, almost simultaneously.

So instead of getting them in bed with nightlights and lullabies playing softly, we soothed and explained, attempting to distract them with flashlight antics.

We lit candles in the living room and kitchen after our first attempt at putting all of them to bed failed miserably. I think if it had happened earlier in the evening, we could've made it into an adventure, something to be explored and investigated. But at this point, we just needed to get them to sleep.

Abby and Hannah finally fell asleep on the couch. Becca was not interested in sleep at all. She played, looked at books (in the half-light), and played pat-a-cake with me over and over and over and over... She's actually quite good at it on her own now, by the way. :)

No power = no computer = no internet = no blogging... Sigh.

After the big girls fell asleep, Ron went to bed - reasoning that there certainly wasn't anything else to do. I stayed up with the tired, cranky but yet constantly in motion toddler. I finally got her in bed about 10 minutes before the lights came back on. Thankfully she was asleep by then, because her bedroom light was up all of the way and that certainly would've been a shock.

So here I sit close to midnight, with my list left undone, my blogging friends' sites unvisited, and my errands un-run. But I do have to say that even with all of that, I did enjoy the candlelight, even if it wasn't quite the kind of candlelight that I'd planned on for tonight. :)

Apparently it costs to be warm

So I took the van in this morning to have the window looked at. Ron checked it last night, along with our neighbor (who works on cars) but they couldn't get the window up and figured it had to be an issue with the motor or the switch.

After I sat at the car repair shop until 9:30, Ron came and picked me up (he has today off for Hannah's birthday, but had to run into work to drop off his paperwork this morning) and since I was planning on taking off early today anyway (we're getting Christmas pictures taken this afternoon since who knows when Ron will get another day off anytime soon), added to getting there late, and a ton of stuff to do at home, I decided to just go ahead and take the day off. I have a a lot to do at home anyway that I'm way behind on (yes, I know I'm sitting here blogging instead...) and Hannah will love having both of us home to spend the afternoon with her when we pick her up from school at lunchtime.

So how much will it cost to get the window in my van fixed?

$184. Sigh...

I wonder if the plastic and duct tape option may have been a better idea? Cheaper, for sure!

Brrrrrrrrr.......

I. am. cold.   Very. very. cold.  Very. very. very - well you get the idea...

This morning, as I drove into the parking lot at work, I clicked on the little button in my van to lower the driver's side window so that I could punch in the code that would let me in. Which is something that I do every time I drive into this lot - it's the only way we can get in to park. So you may be asking then, why is this something that is worth blogging about?

Because of what happened next - as I drove into the lot, looking for an available parking space,  clicking the little button that usually closes the driver's side window allowing me a few more minutes to bask in the warmth that my busy little van heater creates.

Note that I said 'usually'.

Which means - not in this case. And not for the next 5 minutes that I sat in the parking space in my van, giving my finger a workout as I tried to get the window to close - as if I could somehow will it to shut or pull hard enough on that little switch that my brute strength would cause the window to rise the way it's supposed to.

Also note today's current temperature and you can see why this is of concern:

I'd planned on going home for lunch today so hadn't brought anything with me. And the only options within close walking distance from work are our vending machines (believe me, only if absolutely necessary since even the options there are limited) or the gas station across the street. Having decided that candy bars and Little Debbie brownies were not what I wanted for lunch, I chose to drive the 5 minutes to the nearest fast-food option - Burger King.

A 5-minute drive is not normally a big deal. Especially with the heater at full blast and my iPod for company. However, a 5-minute drive with freezing wind whipping into my van is not something I'm anxious to ever experience again.

Would you believe that I didn't think to bring gloves with me today? Normally I just stuff my hands in my coat pockets as I walk into work from the parking lot (and vice versa), so I tend to avoid gloves until I absolutely can't anymore. I may have to re-think that policy after today.

I went into Burger King to eat instead of driving through for one main reason - my hands were numb and I needed to thaw out. Not to mention the line of 438 cars in the drive-thru lane. I picked a seat next to the window so I could keep an eye on my van, thinking that the nice open window could possibly be shouting 'Come take me!' to any potential car thieves out there.

Although if their purpose were to steal a car to get out of the cold, they'd be horribly mistaken to choose mine anyway...

After eating some hot food and thawing out for as long as I could possibly stretch it out, I braved the cold and wind to drive back to work. Trying that little annoying button over and over, of course, still hoping that some latent Jedi powers might kick in and I could 'force' the window to close. Unfortunately, as you can probably imagine, nothing happened.

At least the window was already open when I pulled into the parking lot at work - saved myself about 3 seconds of time it would normally take to open it. Three whole seconds versus hands I could barely feel by this point and the tip of my nose going numb as well...

I've been back inside work for almost an hour now, and my hands are still cold - although I think this typing has finally started to get the blood moving a bit. So I can maybe kind of justify the time I'm spending writing this post during work hours as therapeutic...  Hey, it's working, anyway!

The drive home looms ahead of me tonight - my normal 10-15 minute commute which will feel 3 times as long as I shiver my way to pick the girls up at daycare. And then the short drive home as the cold wind whips into the back of the van where my girls sit. Not an acceptable option to me - I plan spend some valuable work time this afternoon scrounging around for plastic and duct tape. While it may not look attractive, at least if it keeps that bitter wind out, I don't really care.

Oh, and did I mention that the forecast calls for a possibility of rain/snow this afternoon?  Sigh...

Six months ago...

Maura at Mom Coming Home is celebrating her blog's 3rd birthday this month. Wow, 3 years! I realized while writing this post, that November 30th will mark exactly 6 months since I started this little blogging adventure. It seems like I've been doing this for so much longer than that in some ways and like I just started this yesterday in others.

In order to celebrate the big occasion, Maura is having a fun giveaway. She looked back in her archives and found her very first blog post. And she's asking other bloggers to do the same - in order to look at how much our blogs (and we) have changed over time. I love this idea! And it doesn't hurt that she's giving away three $20 gift certificates to Amazon either... :)

I posted for the first time on May 30th of this year. It was almost 5pm and I was just messing around for the last few minutes before leaving work that day. I remember being excited to enter this whole blogosphere and wanting to get started right away. So I wrote the following little post, just to kick things off:

I'm writing this in the last 5 minutes before 5pm (oops), so it'll have to be short. This is my blog! More later - I have to take off to pick up the 3 cutest kids you've ever seen from daycare. Ok, so maybe I'm a bit biased. :)

Anyway, this is my first blog post - hopefully the first of many! I can't promise to be witty and eloquent, but I'll try my best to keep things interesting.

Time to go...

A lot has happened since then, and yet nothing major has changed. My girls have started a new school year and new activities. I have changed departments at work and face uncertainty as to where this job will be in another 6 months. Becca has grown and changed probably the most - the difference between 16 and 22 months has been dramatic in terms of her coordination, speech and what she has learned overall.

Six months ago, we were looking forward to the beginning of summer but dreading the extra daycare costs. The girls were thrilled to be able to play outside and run around without heavy coats or hats on. Everything was turning green again, and we were anticipating the fun summer activities to come.

It's been a wonderful six months of learning how this whole blogging thing works, meeting a ton of new people, making a lot of new friends, keeping in touch with family and friends and realizing that I enjoy writing more than I ever really knew before.

I'm hoping to keep things rolling along here at Mom of 3 Girls for the next 6 months and beyond - and hopefully someday I'll be celebrating 3 years of blogging as well.

Happy blogging birthday to you, Maura!! :)

Even though...

I wrote the following in my head a few minutes ago as a follow-up to my earlier post on why I'm grateful for my children. Keep reading and you'll understand why I had to come and jot all of this down right now before I forgot it.

I'm also grateful for my children...

• Even when they scream and cry and throw hysterics all through dinner because they "don't want that much chicken on my plate!". Especially when you realize that they want more chicken, not less but it's too late to give in to the fit so you spend 10 minutes calming them down. Then they ask for ranch dressing, which you add to their plate but again - not enough so they go back into hysterics because you gave them too little ranch dressing to go with their too little chicken. Sigh.
  
  
• Even when they cry because you won't give them any more rice unless they eat some of their chicken first.
  
  
• Even when they fling rice on the floor and laugh because it makes such a fun, sticky mess.
  
  
• Even when they keep asking you the same question over and over again, which you've already answered, just not to their satisfaction.
  
  
• Even when I leave the kitchen during the hysterical fit they're throwing, so they follow me into my bedroom and stand next to me crying while I'm trying to type this up.

Excuse me while I put a very tired, probably still not feeling good 4-year-old to bed. Without supper, since she hasn't wanted to eat any of it that I gave to her 30 minutes ago.

I AM grateful for my children. And I will keep quietly repeating it to myself so I don't accidentally forget! :)

As I wrote this, Hannah laid down on the floor in my bedroom next to me, still crying. I ended up just walking out and turning the light off because she wouldn't answer me or talk to me. And I didn't see or hear from her for the next 45 minutes - she fell asleep on my bedroom floor. I went in after putting the other two girls to bed, picked Hannah up and put her into her bed, at which point she woke up and continued on with the fit she'd been throwing as if she'd never stopped. I tried getting a pull-up on her, but gave up and just left the room. She cried for another few minutes and then fell back asleep. At this point I have no idea if she's wearing the pull-up or not, but I'm not about to wake her up again - she apparently needs the sleep! Wow, that was one tired little girl tonight...

Saturday sum-up: snakes and slides

We had a really nice day today. Nobody threw up, had a fever or was otherwise under the weather. We do still have some coughing going on, but not too badly.

Hannah had a birthday party to go to over lunchtime - somehow I waited too long to start getting everyone ready so was rushing to get out the door, but we actually made it on time. While Hannah was at the party, I took Abby and Becca to Target and then we stopped at McDonalds for lunch.

As we were leaving McDonalds to run and pick Hannah up from the birthday party, guess who we ran into? Yep, Ron. Completely by coincidence he had stopped at the same McDonalds for lunch in between jobs. So Abby and Becca got to see him for a total of only about 3 minutes since we had to rush back to get Hannah, but it was a nice surprise.

The birthday party Hannah went to was at the zoo. They went through the reptile house and got to touch a snake and a lizard. (Can you tell the party was for a boy? LOL) Hannah thought it was pretty cool though. They got to make safari hats and she came home with a temporary tattoo of a giraffe on her cheek and 2 goody bags full of snacks and plastic bugs and snakes as well. Which Hannah played with all during quiet time downstairs. Yes, this little girl of mine who freaks out when she sees a real bug, was playing with realistic-looking, fake plastic ones just as if they were toy cats or dogs. Silly girl! :)

Later in the afternoon we went to the mall with my friend Kristi and her family, and the girls ran around the play area with Kristi's boys. Becca went down the slides - over and over. I don't think she did anything else the entire time we were there. And every time, she came down with a huge grin on her face, got up and immediately headed for the stairs to go again. I thought I was going to get a tantrum out of her when I picked her up to leave, until I mentioned the words 'toy store' to her. She definitely knows what that means! We played with the toys browsed at the toy store for a while, then played with the toys browsed at the Disney Store before heading home for supper and movie night with Daddy.

All in all, it was a really nice, stress-free, illness-free day. I definitely could handle a lot more days like this. :)

I knew I didn't want to get out of bed this morning...

You know it's not going to be a good day when...

1. You vaguely remember hitting the snooze button a few times... too many. Things never go well when you're running 15 minutes late from the get-go.
   
   
2. You realize when you climb/crawl/fall out of bed that you must've slept wrong because your whole neck is stiff. Which becomes a raging headache by the time you leave the house.
   
   
3. You finally get the kids dressed, fed, hair done, shoes, coats and backpacks on - after dealing with a child who refuses to wear her backpack because you handed it to her and she really wanted her sister to give it to her instead (any guesses on this one?? I know Mary and Kristi know which one of my girls this was!). Somehow, by whatever miracle, the girls make it to the bus stop on time.
   
   
4. You pat yourself on the back and start to realize that things might just go pretty well today, only to reach out to grab your purse from the hook by the back door - and realize that it's not there.
   
   
5. Puzzled, you look in and through the van - the only other location you can think of where your purse might be hiding. Nope, not there either. So you waste valuable time standing in the garage trying to make your sluggish mind work hard enough to remember when you last saw your purse. Meanwhile, a toddler frustrated at being strapped into a car that hasn't gone anywhere for 10 minutes starts chanting 'Dora! Dora!' trying to get your attention so you will turn on the Dora CD that she is addicted to loves.
   
   
6. You finally remember that you took your purse into church with you last night and put it up on a shelf since there were no empty hooks to hang it on. And since you had the diaper bag with you as well and you often don't take your purse to church, you apparently forgot to grab it when you gathered up 3 wound-up children, a diaper bag, various drawings and snack bags the older girls deposited in your hands immediately upon seeing you, a sippy cup, various shoes and two jackets. (yes, only two jackets because Abby and Hannah apparently have decided that you can 'refuse' to be cold and since you aren't cold, why would you need a jacket?)
   
   
7. You drop your youngest child off at daycare and find out that one of your provider's children has a fever and cough. And you want to hope that it's the it's the same illness that plagued your family last week so that you're not exposing your kids to a whole new set of germs but if that's the case then you know that you probably are then responsible for someone else's child having gotten sick, and so you leave with a horrible feeling of guilt.
   
   
8. You arrive at work (late) carrying only a water bottle, your keys, and your cell phone - which happened to be charging in the van last night so never made it into your purse. However, you are missing your wallet, iPod, medications, work ID and day planner. And whatever else it is that makes your purse weigh 3,980 pounds but you're too afraid to clean it out to see what it is. Oh yes, and the Motrin. So you still have the raging headache and stiff neck...
   

Which is why I'm now heading out to run over to church and grab my purse. I only hope that church is in fact where I left it because if it's not there, then I'm in big, BIG trouble. (Phew - it was there, thank goodness!)

Can I go back to bed now?

It's Blog Day for 'The Mothers Act'

I became aware of this initiative just today but am feeling the need to respond and share my story. You can find out more about BlogHers Act and why postpartum depression is such an important issue here.

I always hoped that I could be strong enough that my family history of depression could be held off - by pure force of will, if nothing else. I refused to let myself 'become' depressed, although I probably was even before I had my kids. But I was able to function well and live a generally fulfilled life so I never considered depression as a possibility. After seeing my mom's struggles with depression and anxiety during my entire lifetime, I vowed to never 'let' that happen to me.

Sometimes life doesn't give you what you want though.

After Abby was born, I really didn't have any trouble with depression, or so I thought. It wasn't until months later when I was back to work and hating it, and resenting Ron for being able to be home with 'my' baby girl, that I realized that there might just be something more going on. Thankfully I was able to get help and was convinced to try medication. I didn't like the way I felt on the medication, although I had to admit that it did help me to be able to function much better. I took it for a few months and then was switched to a different one when I became pregnant with Hannah. I stayed on the medication throughout my second pregnancy and afterwards for a while, but stopped taking it after we moved here in late 2003. I knew I wasn't 'cured', but I felt proud of myself for being able to handle life and my responsibilities all on my own.

My doctor asked me about my history of depression when I was pregnant with Becca. She continued to ask throughout my pregnancy how things were going and if I felt like I needed to go back on medication. I really still felt ok at that point and it wasn't until after Becca was born that things started to go haywire. It happened slowly and insidiously until the point where I found myself on the phone with Ron when he'd taken Hannah up to his parents' house (an hour away) for an overnight sleepover - something he'd done the previous weekend with Abby as a special treat while my mom was visiting us. This was Hannah's turn, and since my mom was gone now, I found that being left alone with Abby and the baby was more than I could handle. I called Ron and begged him, sobbing, to come home. To his credit, he explained things (somehow) to his parents and did, although the couple of hours until they were able to get there were incredibly long. I then realized that the way I felt wasn't just sleep deprivation and stress about finances, but a very real depression that I could not manage on my own. Outwardly, I went through the motions of day to day life, but inside I was a mess. And since we'd lost our health coverage when Becca was born and I left my job, getting back on any kind of medication wasn't an option.

Somehow I made it through, taking each day at a time and trying to focus just on meeting everyone's basic needs. Although this was the longest period of time I spent home with any of my babies after they were born, I wasn't in much of a position to truly enjoy it and it's hard for me to even really remember much of that summer. Finding the job that I have now opened a lot of doors back up, including having medical insurance again, although I wasn't able to get back on medication for several more months. But when I did, I began to slowly pull things back together again.

The depression is still there - although I have no idea if it's still considered 'post-partum' given that Becca's appraching her second birthday in a few months. We had to increase the dosage of medication a month ago because I began to backslide down into a mess of depression symptoms both old and familiar and a few new ones. I found myself unable to sleep at night even though I could hardly stay awake at work all day. Jumpy and jittery and my mind racing over everything so I couldn't make myself relax. Unmotivated to do anything beyond sitting on the couch and staring at the television after the kids went to bed at night and on the weekends. And unable to bring myself to do the kind of job at work that I know I am capable of.

I couldn't admit to anyone except Ron and my doctor how bad things had gotten, not even to my friends or this journal/diary/blog I'd started in the spring. I didn't even mean to go into so much detail when I began this post earlier this morning, but the words have just been coming and I'll let my fingers have at it. Increasing the dosage of my medication has helped quite a bit although going cold-turkey off of it for several days last week while I was getting it refilled wasn't a good idea. At all. But something interesting happened late the other night - I was in a complete funk, couldn't concentrate, found myself getting angrier by the moment with everything that I hated about our house and that hadn't gotten done while I was gone over the weekend. Ron was in danger of being woken up by a very irate, frustrated wife until I remembered that I hadn't been able to take my medication in days and that most of my feelings were probably just because of that. And - just - like - that - I began to deflate, almost like a balloon, until I could pull myself together and finish what I needed to do and go to bed. At 2am, but at least I was able to sleep when I did finally lie down.

My refill came on Monday so hopefully things will stay in the status quo for a while, or hopefully at least the 90 days I've got until my next refill. I'll have to remember to do that a bit earlier next time so I don't actually run out.

Do I like the fact that I'm on anti-depressants? No. Am I embarrassed by it? Sometimes. It's not something I admit to very many people who don't already know. But it's not something I want to be ashamed of either, which is why I'm writing this post and letting this out to the world - or at least the blogging one. There's still part of me that feels that I should be able to just 'suck it up' and not have to resort to drugs to get through the day. When I start to think that way, I remind myself of what the counselor said when I first was diagnosed with depression, back when Abby was a baby. This is what convinced me to at least give medication a try. She simply asked me if I felt that a person with diabetes should be expected to function without insulin. The answer was automatic - no, not if they needed it to survive. So then why is depression any different? It really shouldn't be - I believe that clinical depression is a chemical imbalance and nobody can control that on their own, any more than a diabetic can control their insulin levels. Sure, in many cases having the right diet can help and there are homeopathic ways to treat depression as well, but sometimes there just isn't any other option but to use the solution that will help the most or is necessary to preserve life.

To. Preserve. Life.

So that's it. I know there are a lot of different opinions out there on depression and the ways to treat it. I try not to judge anyone else for the choices they make, so I hope that nobody will judge me. But even if they do, I need to finally accept that the depression is real, it is genetic and that the best thing I can do for my girls - who are at an increased risk for it themselves - is to acknowledge it and try to be a role model for my daughters.


Tags: Blog Day for the Mothers Act, BlogHers Act, BlogHer, Postpartum Depression, PSI, Postpartum Progress

Somehow I don't think I'd want this lottery prize...

What do you think - would you want to win? LOL

Hello? Hmm, maybe the spammers should start proofreading their e-mails before they send them out? Just a thought. :)

I think this is the most attention I've ever paid to a spam e-mail though, so maybe they're onto something...