Tuesday, January 8, 2008

This is one of those days that makes me wish I'd called in sick...

This morning, I dropped a screaming, sobbing, blonde ball of fury off at daycare.

Yesterday was the same.

I think that one of the hardest things I've ever done (and I've done it often) has been to walk out and leave my child when she is crying and reaching for me.

All three of my girls have done it at one time or another. I can't say that I blame them either - I know I wouldn't have enjoyed being schlepped off somewhere else every day when I was little.

But that doesn't make it any easier to be the one to turn around and walk out the door while my heart is breaking. Even thinking ahead to the joy that she'll greet me with when I return doesn't always help at this moment.

My head knows that she would have stopped crying within minutes after I left - that's what happened yesterday - and that she'll play, perfectly content, all day long. I know that our daycare provider loves her as if she were part of her family and that Becca is happy there and loves to play with her friends and with her sisters, when they arrive after school. I do know all of this. And 99% of the time I drop off a smiling little one, ready to keep busy all day long.

It's the other 1% I've been faced with so far this week that gets to me though. The arms clinging to my neck as we attempt to pry her away. The look of accusation that she shoots at me through her tears as I turn to leave.

I don't know why she's suddenly so attached - she cried for Ron as we left the house this morning too. She's been swinging between an independent, determined, my-way-or-the-highway attitude that's incredibly frustrating for us, and this clingy little girl who only wanted to eat breakfast this morning if she could sit on my lap to do so. I know she's tired - she's been trying to give up her naps despite most of our attempts to get her to sleep during the days. She needs the naps still. Obviously.

I fear that this is a preview of what's ahead as our most difficult, stubborn child enters the 'terrible' two's...

At this point, I'm not sure that that I'm going to make it through until she turns three. :)

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6 wonderful people said...:

Jean said...

It's been the same for Bossy this week to. Ugh, I feel your pain about leaving her.
Routine is key for mine, when he gets out of his routine and then back again he gets this way for a couple of weeks. You'll make it, We'll make it together!

KC said...

(((HUGS)))
I hate that feeling.. I mean you know they will be ok but it still breaks y our heart.. I use to do that often with Princess.. she would be crying and I would end up crying the whole drive to work.. and then couldn't be happy the rest of the day because I knew my baby was upset. and my babysitter was my mom, MIL and my grandma so who to care better then there own grandma.. but still I felt awful..
Hope your day is still a good one for you.
(((HUGS)))

Elizabeth said...

Oh, Kaitlyn does that same thing. Chris puts her to bed at night, but some nights she will scream for me and hold out her arms like her heart is breaking to be leaving me. It's hard.

She does the not wanting to eat unless she's on my lap thing, AND is trying to give up her naps, but I'm putting my foot down about that-I need a nap too!

~Amber~ said...

I can't even imagine the feeling Deb! BIG BIG HUGS to you!

Karen (Pediascribe) said...

It'll get better. And then she'll be a teenager. HA! Sorry, that wasn't helpful, was it?

Kerry said...

Awwww. Those days are so hard. Hope she gives you smiles tomorrow! :)