Thursday, September 6, 2007

Throwback Thursday - Three sisters


My mom is the youngest of three sisters. Her mom had desperately wanted twins and since she didn't get twins naturally, she had her first two daughters only eleven months apart and always dressed them alike. My mom was supposed to be a boy to complete the 'perfect' family. Instead, she was always the afterthought with two hand-me-downs of the same dress, one slightly larger than the other. So she always wore the 'same' dress for two years in a row. She remembers that she never had a brand-new outfit until she turned 13 years old and grew taller than both of her sisters.

(My Aunt Barb, my mom, and my Aunt Pat)

Twelve years after my mom was born, her parents got their boy. And my mom felt even further left out from her family.

I know that my mom had a difficult childhood, always being on the fringe of what her sisters were doing. It's still that way - my aunts are close friends and my mom is generally invited along as an afterthought. It's simply the way things have always been. My mom says she's just used to it by now. She doesn't like to make waves.

(This is my mom with her parents)

(Notice the cigarette - ugh!)

When I was pregnant with Becca, my mom spoke to me a few times of her worries about my third daughter feeling left out. I suppose that's one reason that I try to make sure that Becca is involved in some fashion in whatever we're doing, even if she's too young to fully participate yet. My mom has brought up things that I would never have thought of - like how Becca may not appreciate having her own room when she gets older instead of being in with one of her sisters. She may feel left out of everything that Abby and Hannah share along with a room. So we'll think about switching their rooms around in a few years when Becca is older and more able to share. I never want Becca to feel left out or an afterthought.

(Me, my Mom, and Abby in 2001)

(My Aunt Pat, my Aunt Barb and my Mom in 2004)

I never met my grandmother - she died well before I was born. I wish I could give her a piece of my mind and make her see how much she hurt my mom. One thing I know for sure though.

I am not my grandmother. Becca is wanted and loved and I hope she will always feel that way. She and my mom will always have a special bond as well - being the third of three sisters.



Check out more Throwback Thursday over at Pinks and Blues Girls!

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18 wonderful people said...:

Jodi said...

Oh Deb.. I am so sad for your mom!! Love the pics!!

Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You said...

Me too :( Thanks for sharing the pictures, and the story. It's a great lesson for all of us with more than 2 kids!

Skittles said...

Love the photos!

~Amber~ said...

That made me tear up. How lovely that Becca will always be able to relate to your mom and visa versa. Becca never seems left out of anything..she is always the center of attention when I am there. All your girls are adorable Deb, and you are a GREAT momma!!

Summer said...

I'm so sad for your mom. That must have been so hard. My mom also has two sisters, but all three of them were great friends growing up.

Ginny said...

These are great pictures, excellent share!

Eileen said...

Becca looks so much like your mom in her early baby pictures. It is neat that they will always have that special 3rd sister bond, but I don't think Becca's sisters will ever make her feel that way. I don't think she would ever let them!! LOL. I love how you raise your girls to see and feel that they are all important and in this ride together. That will carry with them throughout. I love the pictures you put up.

JHSEsq said...

Your mother is lucky to have you and your girls to make her feel wanted and needed.

My mother experienced some of the same things . . . I'm writing about it for the Mom Writing Project.

pinks & blues girls said...

How wonderful that your mom finally gets the feelings of love and belonging that she so desired as a child now with you and your girls. You can tell that she and Becca have a special bond!

Thank you for sharing these pictures and the story of your mom.

Jane, P&B Girls

SingForHim @ Real Life said...

This is a very important post for me to read. I have three girls, and I have contemplated switching the room sharing. Now I know we will do it. Also, Little Pea gets the hand-me downs after 2 kids, although they don't dress alike, and I need to make her feel special as she gets older.

It is very telling in the photos with your aunts in matching clothes and your mom left out. Thanks for sharing.

childlife said...

Deb - A very thought-provoking post. I never want any of my children to feel left out either. I LOVE the picture of your mom and Becca at the end - adorable!

melody is slurping life said...

I can only imagine how your mom must have felt growing up. It's difficult to be a shadow. Clearly, she is a wonderful woman to have raised such a thoughtful, loving daughter.

The Surrendered Scribe said...

This is a great reminder. The pictures just add to the challenge to remember that third daughter in an unique way. A wonderful submission.

lynnae @ from under the clutter said...

I love the pictures! I think it's great that your daughter has a grandma who understands what it's like to be the 3rd girl. What a great bond for them to share!

Visa said...

The kiddy pictures were really beautiful. It must have been fun to have two sister flanking you right?

Weight Watchers Recipes said...

This brought back some good memories for me. Thanks!

Visa Services said...

I have three sisters and I realize how much fun it is!

furniture said...

Sisters are the best!